Another sick day

So, I stayed home again today.  I am running a fever still and was just feeling out of sorts.  Also, I haven’t been able to take my medication over the last couple of days and I am starting to feel the effects.  I notice that I am gritting my teeth, getting pissed off over nothing and crying for no apparent reason.  Somedays I feel abnormal, but the reality is that there are many more people worse off than me.

Rambling on a Tuesday

I have been stuck in my house for the last two days with some evil sort of stomach bug.  I am hating it.  I don’t like being non-functional.  It’s one thing to lay your lazy ass on the couch for two days, it’s completely another to not be able to get out of bed.  Yesterday was spent completely in bed (other than the trips to the bathroom and to get some water) and sleeping.  I think I spent a total of 5 hours awake.  Today was a little better.  Smells still make my stomach turn, but I have been able to keep down some toast, a baked potato and I’m going to try some mac and cheese.  I have napped a little today, but not slept the day away like yesterday. 

I’m hoping that this little stomach battle has created some weight loss.  I have been really slacking in the WW arena.  I am an emotional eater and my emotions have been on a serious rollercoaster lately.  I have been the person who always has the happy face on.  Even though I am snarky and bitter about my job, I never really let people know how unhappy that I really am.  Let’s just say that I am not happy right now…but I can’t exactly put my finger on why.  I think it is an accumulation of many little things.  So, I am working on one thing at a time.  Eventually I will return to my happy-go-lucky self.

Seriously?!

My boss told me that she never said something she said.  She lies like this constantly and of course I get blamed for it.  Why do I torture myself?

More Stuff

On Monday nights I take a glass bead making class.  The class has become more interesting and I have had a chance to talk to more of my classmates.  It just seems like we are in school and it’s rush, rush, rush to accomplish everything.  I was hoping for a more laid back atmosphere.  My job is kind of crazy, because I am a support department, so most of the time when people contact me…they need something from me.  I wanted something very laid back, without a lot of time constraints…and that is not this class.  Don’t get me wrong…I do enjoy it and I’m considering taking another class when this is done…but it’s very restrictive.  I know that I only need to get through about another 6 months of classes and I can purchase my own studio time, but I forgot what it was like to be in such a structured environment. 

Which takes me to the grad school discussion…if I can’t stand the structure of one art class, how am I going to be able to stand to take a semester long grad school class?  University of Phoenix is sounding more and more interesting to me.  I don’t have to go to a class room and sit quietly and patiently while some guy rambles on about how much he knows.  I can log on when I have time, work on my assignments and make my daily comments in the disscussion forums.  I think this might be the way to go.  Tonight’s agenda consists of laundry and researching the Health Management Program.  Off we go!

Life in a Nutshell

Wow, this has been a crazy last few months.  I don’t even know what happened to the summer.  I have babbled a lot on twitter, but just haven’t had the energy or patience to really post anything.  I have been feeling quite boohoo, whoa is me, etc.  So, I decided to keep it to myself. 

Work has been quite tension-filled and I’m trying to decide if I hate my job, if I am bored or if I am just in the wrong field.  I don’t think I truely hate my job, I’m just not happy and I can’t put my finger on why.  I think part of it is all these arbitrary rules that are placed on me and I don’t really like that.  I am sort of bitter about it and it doesn’t make for a productive work environment. 

Personal life has been quite icky.  I am really sick of spending Saturday nights home alone, but I just can’t seem to get up the nerve to ask someone I am interested in to do something.  I’m really quite a chicken sh*t in that manor. 

To add to the list, my professor/ mentor/ friend passed away from Pancreatic cancer 3 weeks ago.  I’m still trying to accept it, mull it over, make it real.  I went to the funeral, watched him buried, but I still feel like if I call his office, I’m going to hear his voice.  He was a great professor and man.  I’m going to miss him dearly.  There have been tears off and on over the last few weeks.  It seems silly, seeing that his lovely wife lost her spouse and his children lost their father, but I am weeping for my loss of a mentor and friend.  I feel very selfish and guilty about the whole thing, but I can’t help but feel sad for the loss. 

So, that’s what has been going on in my life.  Pretty boring.

Friends

So, what is the deal with people.  I guess for the first time in my life I am being excluded and I’m not really sure why.  I guess I have offended some people, but I don’t know exactly what I did.  I’m guessing that someone I thought was my friend has been repeating some stuff that I talked to her about.  I was asking her opinion on how to handle a situation I was uncomfortable with and I have a feeling that she shared that conversation with others.

I feel like I’m back in high school and people are forming little cliques and excluding people.  It’s just very strange and I really don’t know what to do with it.  I hated that bullshit in high school and I hate it now.  I’ve never been one to have only one group of friends that I hang out with.  I hang out with all kinds of people and I try to include everyone.  I was this way in high school and I am still this way now.  I’m angry and frustrated.

Shut Up Brain

So, another late evening for me.  I can’t seem to get my brain to shut off at the appropriate time.  I have so much on my mind and more just keeps getting added to it.  I am tired and I just don’t know how much longer I can function.  There is so much to say, but I can’t seem to get the words to come together.  I think I’m going to free write until I fall asleep and hope that something comes out.

Somedays I wish I would have just stayed in bed….

I have been pretty much feeling like an idiot for the last two weeks.  I can’t seem to do anything right.  I have no idea where I put my car keys, I don’t know where my favorite shirt is, I can’t remember how much I spent at the grocery store, etc.  I can’t focus at work and my work is suffering because of it.  I like a guy…but I don’t think he likes me as much (and now is not talking to me for some reason).  All of this shit running through my head.  I can’t sleep.  I’m an emotional eater, so I have been eating like crap.  This morning, I stepped on my headband that I must have thrown on the floor last night.  It broke and jammed into my foot, so I have a huge gash in my foot.  As I was blow drying my hair this morning, the extension cord burst into sparks and flames.  I get to work and I have a report that someone is now officially pissed that they don’t have.  Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Stuff Portrait Friday (SPF) – BAD

Kristine chose the topic of BAD for today’s SPF.  This is not a picutre I took…simply because they were all out of service for repair.  I have had an interesting week due to the issue surrounding the repair of the American Airlines MD-S80 airplanes.  Lack of sleep and stress over how I was going to get home from Washington DC has exhausted me.  So here is my idea of bad this week:

 

S80_takeOff

The District (aka My week in our Nation’s Capital) – Continued

Continuation of my post from yesterday…

 

Tuesday (Will this conference eat me alive?)

 

Tuesday was the first day of the actual conference.  Today I managed to actually show up a half hour before the conference registration was to begin, so that I could get a seat.  I actually had a seat at a table and was able to log on to work and be online to pull up references, etc.  Today we had speakers from the European chemicals agency (ECHA), the European Commission, the UK Competent Authority, a Chemical Agency, EPA and other government types. This was actually very informative, a lot of information, but very good.  I have found that this is going to be quite a challenge.  I felt a little less intimidated today.  I ended up befriending another woman at the conference and we had dinner at a cute little place called Café Luna in Dupont Circle.  It was nice to talk to someone who was in a situation similar to mine.  Then it was back to the hotel for some much needed sleep.  It’s amazing how these conferences can be so draining. 

 

Wednesday (The Last Day – or so I thought)

 

Wednesday was a great day as it was a chance to hear what is going on the industry side of the directive compliance.  It was nice to hear that others are in a similar situation.  That they also feel the directive is not very “cut and dry” and that there are far too many things still left undecided.  About 9:00 AM I get an instant message from one of my co-workers that American Airlines has cancelled over 500 flights.  I whip out my itinerary, send her the flight number and yes, folks…my flight has been cancelled.  My company pays a travel agent to sit in our building…but she is not helpful at all. My co-worker went down there to see if she could get me on another flight, but all she did is snap at her and tell her that I am booked on flight for Thursday and that there were no other flights out.  Of course, that got me all riled up, so I called the main travel agency and asked them to help me.  The girl stated that Jennifer was in the office today, and I informed her that apparently Jennifer was too busy to help me.  Yes, they found someone to help me.  I ended up staying the night and booking my own hotel.  I had a 10AM flight the next morning on American.  I went to dinner, got back to the room about 10PM and found out that my flight for the next morning had been cancelled too.  I immediately called the travel agency and got booked on a United flight that left later in the day.  Unfortunately, they wouldn’t assign me a seat, so I was worried that I wasn’t going to get on that flight either.  I finally fell asleep around 1AM and got up at 7AM. 

 

Thursday (Will I make it home or not?)

 

Thursday was a challenge…just from my shear exhaustion and fear of not getting out of DC.  I know…I should be glad to not be at work.  The problem is, when I am not there, the work does not stop.  So, while I have been out this week, the work has continued to pile up…not to mention that my co-workers have ants in their pants about when I’m going to be back.  I did finally get out of DC on a United flight, but we got to circle outside of O’hare airspace for awhile due to high wind gusts.  I arrived home at 4:30 and I went to bed at 6PM and got up at 5AM. I am home safe and sound and got to sleep in my own bed. 

 

Oh DC…how I did enjoy you, but how I did enjoy the comforts of my own bed.  Chicago is my home, but DC is a great place to visit…just don’t fly American.